Let GO

  I’ve made tremendous mistakes in my life, just as everyone has. I’ve made a few that affected my emotional life and have hurt me still to this day. I’ve said things that I still regret and feel horrible about constantly. I’ve told the wrong people that I cared about them and wanted to have something more than a friendship and it ended wrongly. I’ve felt hurt, sadness, humiliation, and trauma. I’ve felt betrayal, loneliness, anger, but also happiness.
  I was finishing up my Biology homework and was scrolling through Facebook (I actually got one and kinda feel stupid for it!) when I caught myself looking up all of the people from my past. I found myself checking up on the guy who broke my heart a year ago, the ex-best friend that I did everything with, and an old family member that I cannot be associated with. It’s astounding how my life has changed from the time before I met my fiance and to now. I thought I was friends with certain people, I thought I was in love with a total jerk, I thought I was happy. In hindsight, I wasn’t. I was used, bored, and not fully happy. I’m not saying my fiance was the only source of my happiness. But once I met him, I realized I have a world’s potential to uplift myself and open myself up to numerous opportunities and get my butt out of my comfort zone. I’ve finally felt true happiness and I believe it’s only going to get better.
  I shouldn’t be checking up on those people who cut me down, my life is too blessed to be looking back like that. But I’m curious, ya know? I’m holding on to these people for a possible theory. All those people were a part of a much easier time in my life. I didn’t have any bills, no stress, and a completely different life than I do now. I’m currently a broke college student, struggling as a new adult, in a whole new life. I have changed and I love who I am now because I’m happy. I never had them to thank so why should I think about them in such a wonderful part of my life? I’m just beginning this path of amazing potential and exponential growth.
  As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been letting go of those individuals. I’m saying goodbye in my own way. I don’t wish them harm or curses. But I don’t want to think of them like they haven’t been thinking of me. I wish them well and happiness like I have now.
If life is going a certain way, why are you looking back at a life that would’ve gone a completely different (possibly terrible) way?
xo,
H.

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