Saying Goodbye to Denver

“How will you feel once you’re gone?”
  I’ve been getting asked this a lot lately since we’ve announced we’re moving from Denver back to our hometown. I’ve been processing so many emotions and been planning it so much that I haven’t sat down to write it all down. So, I’m finally sitting down in a warm coffee shop with a dirty chai and lemon poppy seed bread so I can get right down to it.
  I will be terrible the day we leave. I won’t be excited, happy, or anything remotely good. I will feel honest to goodness miserable. But in a good way, if that makes sense. If not, let me explain. Denver has become my home but not the home I desire. My home includes my family, friends, and a comfortable lifestyle. If I choose to move back to Denver or where ever my journey takes me, I’ll be where I want because I’ll be much more ready for the emotional pain and mental pain a new city creates. I won’t ever forget the lessons and memories I’ve made in my beautiful city. But where I am now isn’t where I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to be in my hometown surrounded with my support system and gearing up for the next chapter of my life.
  I’ve been struggling with the thought of being a failure. If I’m going back like I said I never would, does that mean I’m quitting or not strong enough for this place? The answer is no. I’m none of those things. I’ve endured more than anyone will even know. I’ve been dealt some bad cards but I got past them and now I’m qualified to take on even more obstacles. Life is about conquering challenges and personal growth. My heart hurts with the fact I’m leaving but it’s the right decision.
  Now, before I get all emotional and start ranting about my stupid feelings, I want to make a point on how good this decision is. Everyone, I’m going to be completely immersed in my family and my friends that I will be healed from my heartache. They will comfort me and make me laugh constantly. I’ll have my wonderful fiance and kitty with me so I’m able to handle this. I remember when we told my little brother, we were discussing what he wanted for his sixth birthday. He reminded me that his birthday was gone and he didn’t want any presents so I thought a present we could give him is us. My fiance and I told him that we were moving back right before Christmas and he was absolutely speechless. He was glancing between my fiance and I waiting for us to say we were kidding but once he realized his mouth slowly evolved into a big ‘O’ and he gave me a huge hug. It really touched my heart and made me grateful to have more time to watch my siblings grow up.
  Even though I’ll be leaving empty and crushed, I’ll be moving to a place where there is overflowing love and wonderful memories to be made. It’s hard as a college student to go back to our roots when we’ve felt SO much independence and life but missing out on life’s precious moments is also something I can’t miss out on. I’m not giving up because I’m still accomplishing my dreams and working hard for my goals. I’ve hustled so much here in Denver that I want to go back and relax and focus more on my education, family, and my life plans. I feel good about going because I know it’s not my forever and Denver will always be here for me for whatever I decide.
 Thank you, Denver, for being home.
xo,
H.

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